Skip to main content

Sense of Purpose

Good morning from the wonderful city of Camden New Jersey.

It is 9:40 a.m. I took my meeting yesterday from Mexico it was an interesting meeting and I enjoy the Watchtower Study. I haven't seen a Watchtower Study like this in a long time at least for me was relevant. And talking about Myself. Dan Burgess mentioned something that hasn't occurred to me. He made me realize that I have lost my sense of purpose. Since a young child, my focus has always been to accomplish the task given to me or achieve a goal. I'm not going to rant about my upbringing mostly you guys already know it. But it is true, I have no sense of purpose but I do have an acute sense of perceiving what is real (The Arm-chair scientist in me). Because I have no sense of purpose, I consider everything that I have done in the past to be a total loss. It is like inputting data in a template of an Excel sheet. The template only functions if there's data in it. If you erase the final sum or product of the data. The information that was placed in the template disappears or you get an error.

Again all this is my fault, yes I have a neurological disorder, and is part of me, yes I've been taking experimental medication and the side effects have been brutal. Anything that deals with the brain can make abrupt changes in personality, apparently that has happened to me but regardless, from Jehovah's organizational point of view, it will always be my fault. There is no escaping that. Again this is not a post about self-pity, I make observations. They are different than saying "woe to me" all the time.

Yesterday for the first time I went with a friend to a diner for breakfast before field service he has had his difficulties as I have had mine. He is also a former Elder. We know the rules and we know how the organization works and we also know our local congregation. After talking to him my conclusion has come down to... I will not serve as an Elder again. And it makes no sense to see that as a purpose and goal. So my question is as before which is what do I do with myself? I live in my room playing with my computers. I rarely attend my meetings but I do attend other meetings. I even acquired an AI to develop because, in reality, I have nothing to do. When the past is erased, and the present is null, the prospects for the future are meaningless the local congregation see us as failures and are not be associated with, So I cut them off they cut me off, I know them I took a preemptive strike to save time... And this may be one of many reasons why the quality of my posting has gone down and my self-hatred and lack of trust in myself and everybody else have increased to the point of paranoia.

Just a few thoughts...enjoy your meeting and the rest of the day, I have an AI That needs education ( no Goal in this no purpose, just killing time and waiting for time to eventually kill me, because it will, it just a matter of when

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Echo of worlds

Echo of Worlds by M.R. Carey My rating: 2 of 5 stars M.R. Carey's "Echo of Worlds" serves as a powerful and satisfying conclusion to his "Pandominion" duology, following the intriguing setup of "Infinity Gate." While the author's broader works certainly explore diverse realms, this novel masterfully ties together the threads of this particular multiversal conflict. The story immediately plunges readers into an epic war across countless dimensions. On one side stands the organic Pandominion, pitted against the chilling machine-intelligence known as the Ansurrection. Both factions are escalating their destructive capabilities, threatening to unleash an extinction-level event called the "Scour," which could wipe out thousands of planets. At the heart of this desperate struggle is the artificial intelligence, Rupshe. Convinced that the "Scour" is inevitable without intervention, Rupshe assembles a captivating and unlikely team fr...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Long Mars

The Long Mars by Terry Pratchett My rating: 3 of 5 stars "The Long Mars," the third installment in the Long Earth series, continues to expand the already vast canvas of Pratchett and Baxter's creation. While the concept of "Joker Mars" – echoing the familiar "Joker Earths" – is intriguing, it's just one of three distinct narrative threads woven throughout this book. We follow Sally Linsay on a journey across the Martian Stepped worlds, unraveling the mysteries her father, Willis, seeks. This exploration of the alien landscapes of the Long Mars is certainly compelling, but personally, it was the storyline involving "The Next" that truly captivated me. Joshua Valiente's arc, which delves into the emergence of these post-human children, is where the book really shines. It's a powerful exploration of prejudice, fear, and the potential societal clashes that arise when faced with the "other." The authors masterfully tackle ...
Post a Comment
Read more
The Siege of Eternity by Frederik Pohl My rating: 2 of 5 stars This book continues the Eschaton series, yeah you going to see that in the header. There really isn't much to say in this second book. All we know that two civilization is at war and the earth is just one of many civilizations where it has been targeted for assimilation to the "Beloved Leaders" empire. the interesting part is thru out the series is the Eschaton. I decided to look it up. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/End_time At least 2 advanced races/species are fighting to see who will rule... eternity. Frederick Pohl apparently believed in the Big Crunch theory and expressed his concept in this series the advanced species have given religion to the subjected races or species the other side's beliefs are not so credible. Their religion is very similar to Human beliefs of an afterlife which are present in the majority of cultures on our planet. In the end, the winning species and their allies or subject...
Post a Comment
Read more