Skip to main content

What Stops Growing Starts Dying

Good Morning.. It is 4:15 am I had some difficulties sleeping. But I know why. Last night I was talking to a good friend, who is now a ministerial servant. This brother was at one point in his life was being trained to be a CO, and his wife betrayed him. it happens, He had to struggle for 7 years to get back on his feet. He is still a young brother in comparison to myself.

when I served as an Elder I knew his case personally and I was against the way his case was handled in other congregations. I won't go into details, but the Branch stepped in and now things are going better for him. What I've learned, it is not the organization. It is the imperfect individuals in it. Having responsibilities can get to ones head. More so if one does not have any external or secular authority outside of the congregation. I do have and had certain authority outside the congregation as a senior technician today, a manager in my youth, and a supervisor and other lead roles. I tried never to let these secular activities go to my head mostly because as a JW, they were not important.

But being an Elder inside the congregation due to my upbringing in a dysfunctional family was to me an accomplishment. So when I lost the privilege, I started doubting myself and realized that all my difficulties were always inside the Spanish congregation. I didn’t really have any inside support. I had the impression I was always doing something wrong and not getting it right. However as I mentioned, my friend had it worse.

He is young enough and has recovered with difficulty and still amazed at what has happened to him even though he was innocent. But he doing OK. I am in my third age, and all of us has been locked in for almost 1.5 years due to the pandemic. Well, I have been isolated for longer. I still do not have a sense of purpose, I have prayed a lot and nada. No relief. Sometime I feel it is the end of the line. What stops growing, starts dying, and I have started to die.

I try to make plans with Norma to just travel around go out etc., but we are not kids anymore, My chronic pain due to neurological disorders holds me back and Norma has knee issues. Even walking our old dogs can be a chore, and I also suffer from PTSD. I'm in Long Island right now and I am locked up in my Hotel room. I just don’t have the courage to roam around. As a kid I would have. So I am dying here little by little in Long Island as well. People here thinks I am part of the staff, so I stay in my room

As for the congregation It is a young man game today. If one notice the latest videos, it is directed at the Youth who have skill sets. Not all of our youth have been offered scholarships and have good grades and most of them will end up in the world. So Here I am with sense of purpose reading books, writing reviews on the books that nobody reads. Doing absolutely nothing. I guess I deserved this just for being born and trying to take dump on a golden throne instead of a ceramic one… never again.... never again.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Long Mars

The Long Mars by Terry Pratchett My rating: 3 of 5 stars "The Long Mars," the third installment in the Long Earth series, continues to expand the already vast canvas of Pratchett and Baxter's creation. While the concept of "Joker Mars" – echoing the familiar "Joker Earths" – is intriguing, it's just one of three distinct narrative threads woven throughout this book. We follow Sally Linsay on a journey across the Martian Stepped worlds, unraveling the mysteries her father, Willis, seeks. This exploration of the alien landscapes of the Long Mars is certainly compelling, but personally, it was the storyline involving "The Next" that truly captivated me. Joshua Valiente's arc, which delves into the emergence of these post-human children, is where the book really shines. It's a powerful exploration of prejudice, fear, and the potential societal clashes that arise when faced with the "other." The authors masterfully tackle ...

Review of Children of Ruin by Adrian Tchaikovsky

Children of Ruin by Adrian Tchaikovsky My rating: 2 of 5 stars Review of Children of Ruin by Adrian Tchaikovsky Children of Ruin is a masterful sequel to Children of Time, continuing the author’s ambitious exploration of humanity’s legacy and the uncharted complexities of life beyond Earth. This novel dives deep into hard science fiction, weaving intricate themes of advanced technology, speculative biology, and the far-reaching consequences of human ambition. In Children of Ruin, a human-Portiid expedition—comprised of humans and their evolved spider allies—embarks on a journey to Damascus, a once-terraforming candidate planet now inhabited by a highly intelligent species of octopuses. Originally seeded by humanity with the intent of accelerated evolution, these octopuses have transformed into something extraordinary. Their society and technology showcase a rich cultural tapestry, both familiar and distinctly alien, and they possess a profound understanding of their world and the co...

The Long Utopia

The Long Utopia by Terry Pratchett My rating: 3 of 5 stars In The Long Utopia, a novel in the Long Earth series, the artificial intelligences Agnes and Lobsang embark on a unique endeavor: adopting a human child, Ben, and attempting to build a normal pioneering life on one of the seemingly infinite parallel Earths. However, their peaceful existence takes a dramatic turn with the human pioneers discovering a peculiar species dubbed 'silver beetles'. These insects exhibit an unusual behavior of 'stepping down' to lower-numbered Earths. As the pioneers observe them, a terrifying realization dawns: the silver beetles are not merely migrating; they are systematically transforming their chosen parallel Earth into a colossal Dyson Motor, a structure designed to harness the star's energy. Lobsang, with his advanced analytical capabilities, understands the catastrophic implications. These silver beetles can step sideways to other parallel Earths, potentially converting an...