I had my Math test today...Epilepsy had other plans.

Today, I had my algebraic concept final test and I failed. Of course, my body sabotaged my efforts. This seems to be the norm with everything I do. That is when "everything I do" is extremely important and "the everything I do" maybe a life changer. Passing a math course is a life changer. So let me describe how it went today. Keep this note in mind I studied the entire weekend and the more I study things got more complicated

As I wrote many times before, my neurologist and gastroenterologist have repeatedly told me that when my brain acts up my gut will too. When I take any other academic tests I usually don't get sick. I have taken all my meds and then I take life day by day. As I mentioned in previous posts on the internet maybe Facebook or G Plus, I have a few abnormalities in the brain. These abnormalities affect my behavior and my thought processes. It is not that bad but I perceive and understand things a little bit differently and that is why I may say something or do something that is weird or not normal from everybody else's point of view. It also affects my body as well. I guess that is part of life when you have epilepsy.

I digress, last night I finish studying and doing homework online, no stomach issues no problems. However last night I had difficulty sleeping. Which is not unusual. I go through many sleepless nights ( I called them eternal nights). However, I woke up with cramping and I knew. Here it comes a calling, Fracking IBS attack right before the test. The pain was immense. And of course, I had to run to the bathroom. I was in and out of the bathroom for over 45 minutes and I started to bleed. Yeah right before the test. Three Immoudioums later, my abdominal muscles were still convulsing and I said: " oh crap great, a myoclonic seizure which probably started off the IBS, to begin with" on top of that my blood pressure was running high 154/ 104. So down the hatch, the aspirin and Lotrel goes. I think I got my act together by 7 am. My test is supposed to be at 7:30 am.

I arrive at college around 7:20 thinking that would be a little bit better, but no... The cramps came back, my bladder was full and into the college toilet, I go. Sufficient to say that I made it to the classroom as the Prof was handing out the test. I get my paper and pencil and calculator ready and guess what? My bladder fills up, and the cramping begins a new. I spend the next two hours fighting my gut and my bladder, while I was trying to complete the test, it was just too much. I couldn't concentrate on the formulas, I make silly mistakes... and I failed a test. When you fail the departmental test you fail the course. 15 weeks just went down the toilet with the rest of the crap that I pushed out today. Of course having my father died in the middle of the spring semester doesn't help either. But my issue today was fighting with myself and the thought of my dead father did not come to mind

This is what many individuals with neurological disorders have to contend with. What I would really like to do at this point in time Of course in the rhetorical... I would like to put a bullet in my head. But in the real world that wouldn't be realistic nor logical and I hate to mention this but my neurological disorder would probably have me fail that as well. The real sad part about this and of course the root of my anger is that I know this will happen again and again for the rest of my life if medical science don't find either or cure or way to manage the difficulties, and knowing that this will happen no matter what is the biggest mental torture and agony a person can live with, it is almost like knowing the day that you are going to die with a certainty and there's nothing you can do to delay it

Hi my name is Tony and I am a retard...