The Haunting of Dead Demons

I know most of you will call this a “Pity Party”. It is not, but regardless many of you will still call it so,

Well... here we go again, I failed the first of the algebraic concepts test, and in my frustration, I called myself a "retard". There is a story behind this... you may have read it before.

Well now that I've vented and got the anger out of the way. It seems that I'm still being persecuted by demons. Even though one of those demons was cremated two months ago. Yeah by today's standards what you will read would have been considered mental and verbal abuse but in the 60"s and 70's it was quite normal.

Here is how it went, not perfectly but who has a perfect memory?

Father: " why did you get an "F" in class?" (F=Fair, more like a C"

Son: " the teacher said it was a passing grade and I'm doing good"

Father: " the teacher is a moron he gets paid the same whether you get an A or an F. Your dog can just sit in a classroom and get a C by just being there"

Mother: " the teacher said you daydream a lot and you don't pay attention you are just lazy"

Father: " look at your sister she got good grades in math and in fact in all her subjects she is not a lazy bum like you!." " Wait are you starting to cry? damn, don't tell me you're crying". " Minnie, go get this f***** his sister dress if he's going to cry like a girl I'm going to dress him up like one and send him to school that way"

Son: " I'm not crying I'm just angry," teacher said I was doing good!!!!

Father: " just remember men don't cry if you cry I will dress you up as a girl it's bad enough that you behave like a retard, no television for you, you're not going outside to play, you going to practice your time tables up to 25, and you can read all the biology books and encyclopedia books I have in the library, don't let me catch you reading peanuts (Charlie Brown) book those type of books are for retards"

Father to Mother as child goes to the room (child has excellent hearing due to poor eyesight) " we know that boy is slow, look at him he's eight years old and he still can't tie his shoes right, he can't walk right either, but the world is a cruel place and I intend to make him do the best so people doesn't know that he is retarded and it's a damn shame because he is my only son, and you gotta stop defending him and keep him away from his sister's toys."

(circa 1969)

I got this lecture and similar lectures year after year after year... Well the man is dead since last March but the memories go on and if I don't finish college I will cease to exist, mentally, emotionally and who knows what else...

Of course, we all know that's some 36 years later I was diagnosed with having Epileptic Syndrome. But in truth, on my father's side, they knew that something was seriously wrong but they kept it quiet. My father was a medical technician then became a microbiologist, later on, so he knew the workings of the human body and most of the time he gave other people advice about medical problems that they had but when it came to his only son everything went silent, My Aunts at least 3 of them were RN Nurses and knew. One of them (Titi Lucila) helped my mother get me into " "Niños Lisiados de Puerto Rico". The family favored education more than anything else it meant prosperity to them. In the end, once I was being treated in The USA. My Parents and other Family members on the Island determined I was a lost cause and all the focus went to my sister who has a bachelor degree in social sciences.

I need to do this, I need to pass college for the second time if I don't do this, finish this, then everything that everybody has said about me since I was growing up would be verified as true and living will not be interesting anymore and I mean this...

So if you're reading this blog and you have children young children who maybe seven or eight or nine years old please be careful what you tell them. Trust me they will not forget even if they have a brain disorder like me.