Poor Decisions

About two years ago I made a decision to return to school when I got laid off from Honeywell Aerospace. The job that I had at Honeywell Aerospace was outsourced to a company in Mexico. This wasn't the first time that I have lost a job to cheap labor in another country under NAFTA. I believe I have lost my job 3 times thanks to NAFTA

My reasoning at the time was based on the fact that my line of work would be outsourced or moved outside of the country and I realized that as I get older it would have been more difficult to find work at least at the salary that I needed for day-to-day living. Not to mention that the opportunity of finding the same job that I have trained for when I went to University the first time was not really in demand. Technology is in demand all the time but not my line of work. I am an engineering tech for electronics, or what was called back in the day an Electronic Technician

By returning to college to update my skills I was trying to be marketable. I did not want to look for a job at Walmart. However I have a darker secret for returning to college, well after I post this it won't be a secret any longer. I have a neurological disorder that impedes me to live a normal life. And yes I have written about this disorder before but what many do not understand is the consequences of having such disorder. As I naturally age, the disorder is more noticeable. I have had epilepsy since birth but not all form of epilepsy can be noticed by the naked eye. Many people assume that epilepsy is the type of sickness that you fall down, shake a little bit and foam at the mouth.

My problem, wasn't properly identified until I was around 22 years old and had a grand mal seizure at work. The type of Epilepsy I have was properly diagnosed when I was 53. Before that family and friends believed that I had a behavior problem or a mental one, there were some physical signs as well, I couldn't walk straight. I was called lazy, a liar who believes in my lies and far worse. I got hit as well, but being hit for doing something wrong was normal in my culture. And believe it or not, I do believe in physical discipline when is warranted some people do deserve an arse whipping from time to time.

Having this sort of upbringing it's what motivated me into the line of profession that I currently have. I needed to be more than just a loser, a retard, and a useless person. I made a decision to fight my disability and to prove everybody wrong. I studied at University, I got married, had children, raise the children with the help of God, Jesus, and my wife.

The the biggest fight was fighting myself. I always fought with my illness I did not know how to live with it. I still don't know how, and that is why I make very poor decisions. The most that I do is to cover it up and pretend to be a normal person. And that is why returning to college was a major poor decision on my part.

I was self-deluded thinking that going back to school would be easy after all I had a good understanding of science and mathematics when I was young. I have won awards in science since elementary school all the way into High School. However, the last two years has been a living hell for me because of my inability to do "math". I have been failing subject that is basically simple such as algebra and algebraic Concepts. The part of the brain that is damaged is the part of the brain that does math I believe it is the parietal lobe.

By failing my math courses, I have not been able to complete my major in computer systems technology. And it seems that I won't be able to do so. The math courses are required and they cannot be waivered. I am actually behind four semesters in Math alone. I had done relatively well in my other courses however my main focus for the last 2 years and a half has been mathematics. I feel like I have been majoring in mathematics instead of computer systems technologies.

So, what was my poor decision? I was living a double life. I am a retard trying to be normal and to be accepted as such. The desire to do so has forced me onto a path of self-destruction and emotional pain. From today forward I will not fight epilepsy and retardation anymore

Yeah right, and pigs flies as well

Hi my name is Tony and I am......