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Modesty is a must for those with Epilepsy and Math Blindness (Dyscalculia)

Greetings to the members of this epilepsy and dyscalculia forum.

You may have remembered that about 2 years ago, I wrote about returning to college because I became a displaced worker at Honeywell Aerospace in Moorestown NJ. Of course, going to school was paid by the government under the Trades Acts. I grabbed at the opportunity to receive a grant I was entitled to. And even though I was aware that I have the intractable epileptic syndrome, which includes myoclonic jerks and focal and left-temporal lobe disorder I really thought that because I was employed for so many years having this disorder, going back to college would not have been that difficult.

I was wrong.

The major that I chose for college was in line with my professional career, I was an engineering tech in electronics, I worked mostly with Hardware testing and root cause analysis. This time around to complement what I already know I went to the software side which would be part of my major. The course I was taking was computer system technologies. During the two years in college, the only problem that I had was math. The neurologist wrote various letters to the college indicating that because of my brain disorder, math would be a difficult subject for me. Even though at one time in my life I was very good with math.

The major that I chose is math intensive. It takes me about two semesters to dominate one math course. So while I was caught up with every other course in my Major I was falling behind in math. The funding that I received from the government would only last me for 2 years and a half. The government, the college and me decided to remove myself from the CST Major because I would not have enough funds to catch up.

I will basically finish with just a certification in Unix/Linux. I have already worked with Unix on the hardware side of my profession. But there really isn't any demand for Unix administrators. My time at college was now a total waste and government money; all I needed was 2 more tech classes and of course the math. The government expects me to be working by January. They did say that I could finish on my own but I must pay for it. I think those who are my age (50+) would agree that that would not be economically feasible for me to do and if I'm already working it'll be another waste of money. I am not a rich person, like many of you I live from check to check.

I did not write this to discourage anyone who has a math blindness due to a neurological disorder. But I thought it would be necessary to remind epileptics and their parents or family that just there are certain things that one cannot do. My particular form of epilepsy cannot be seen from the outside unless one has a trained eye and one is a neurologist.

This December I am scheduled for a neuro-psych test. I should have done this test before I went to college, that was my bad. The neurologist didn't think I was that bad off neither and since I could handle work I should be able to handle college. We were both wrong. Taking this medical test is a little bit late in the game. My suggestion to those who have a neurological disorder is to be tested before going to college and to work. This will bring one to recognize the reality of one personal limitation and thus avoid frustration and disillusionment.

I have right now a bitter taste in my mouth. I deceived myself and I allowed myself to be deceived by others that with good intended encouragement to continue. That makes it even worse because I have failed myself and I have failed everyone who tried to encourage me for the last 2 years, right now I wish I was dead. That, of course, is a figure of speech, I have no intent to harm myself I'm just expressing my thoughts.

But at least now you know.

Hi my name is Tony and I am a...

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