I am going to put this in a blog format because I know that on Facebook many do not like to read long stories.
This morning I went to walk my dogs at Whitman Square Park here in Camden New Jersey. Boe acts up and yanks hard for some reason or another. I end up hurting my back trying to get him under control. The pain from my back spreads to my chest and of course when I got home I took my normal pain medication. When I take the pain medication I delay in taking my epilepsy medication they don't mix well.
I get ready for college and off I go. Norma needed to go to work a little bit early she works at the same College that I am attending. So I decided to study in my car and Norma goes to her office. Then it hits. A severe pain right in the middle of the chest. As you may know, I don't trust the signals I get from my body because of my neurological disorder. I get phantom pains from time to time. I was a bit concerned because I had class at 10, so I ignore the pain keep on studying and went to class around 9:30 am. The pain does not go away. Now anxiety starts to build. Am I going to get a heart attack or is my brain throwing another fart?
At this point, I totally forget that I did not take my epilepsy medication. Part of the neurological disorder is when the temporal lobe gets out of whack I suffer a phony panic attack. It is basically a seizure. 15 minutes before the class begins I am very unsure and I think I am going to have a heart attack. So I left before the class begin. I am also worried that I'm going to have a major seizure all the signs are there.
I excused myself from the classroom, I tell a few students I'm not feeling well please inform the professor that I was there but I had to leave, I walk over to the director's office who knows that I have seizures and I tell him I'm not well and I'm leaving and he said it is okay. Once I start to leave the building, the chest pain is gone, the epileptic aura is dissipating.
Once I'm in my car the aura is gone, there is no chest pain and I am perfectly fine. What I had was a full-blown seizure. People with seizure disorders don't necessarily have to fall to the ground and shake, spit, and piss on themselves. The illness can manifest itself in different ways since I have epileptic syndrome only God knows what's going to hit me next. I can tell you that I was fuming in anger afterward.
I usually have perfect attendance attending college, this is the first time in 6 months that I had missed a class. This is also the reason why I don't run to the hospital when my brain farts like this. Going to the emergency room with chest pains will start off a battery of tests which will demonstrate that I have nothing and I will end up with a two to three thousand dollar medical bill after insurance.
it is concerning because what will happen when the day comes that I may have a real heart attack? Or something is really wrong? And I make the decision not to go to the hospital. Today was a major issue, but getting sick like this on a lesser scale is a weekly thing. It is embarrassing, it is time-consuming, and it frustrates me to no end.
This my friends, is the life that I live and had been living since I was a child. People on the outside don't see my epilepsy, they just say that I am crazy and emotionally unstable which is why I now stay away from people in the real world. Sometimes I guess wish I would never wake up in the morning, because I have no idea what sort of prank my brain is going to pull on me that is going to make my day miserable, and Thus I make life miserable for everybody else
This happened simply because I was born a....(well just read the title of the blog)
I wrote you a very long post. But because of the emotional thoughts I over reacted to post and hit the sign out instead of publish button.
ReplyDeleteIt took me 15 years to repay my loans for the University.
School taxes the very best students so take it easy.
You've at least told someone about your epilepsy. I never did because of the way people might perceive me.
With you on the hospital trips too. I guess we will die because of the cost to receive help from the hospital.
The last time I went they just said what do you want us to do ?
Enough of the heartless talk. I wanted to leave you with something positive. But the less positive charges we encur the better. I'm not going to lol that either. Take care friend.
well, bro, i know about this sort of thing, as i have had three GM's in my whole almost 70 yr life. i just sat & waited. i do NOT like md's & their 'take a pill' mentality.
ReplyDelete"Well it will get rid of the symptoms!"
yes, it will, but the symptom is your body saying 'fix me; something is wrong'. if you do NOT fix it, it gets MORE wrong - wronger? new word day, tony!
so, i use minerals, vitamins, take foods off the menu to see if there is any change, good bad or otherwise, in my action or reaction. i compare it with other folks my age & sex & body type, etc., and sorta track the whole issue.
maybe it is time to go a different route. i see your comment about the obamacare not caring for you as promised, but we both know political promises are at best hollow words. so, dump em. work on the environment, the foods, accepted stress, as contrasted to 'necessary' stress, and work on the vitamin / mineral items for your life.
Hi to Norma; going to ohio next week - am in Ark for the visit of Bro Elimbaugh - and the huge territory they have here. then, gonna head for bethel for a few days. fun!
adios from the - - - no more dust buggy.
len
Thank you for sharing. This is so apt in my life, especially the "Not trusting" signs and symptoms of your body that is actually - as you say - "A Brain Fart". It's very difficult to share this with people, and try explain what you actually go through, especially those that have never had a seizure before.
ReplyDelete