A Restful Friday and a Heavy Heart

This Friday, after my trip to New York, I decided to stay home and rest. The four-hour journey each way was rough, battling New York City traffic in a rainstorm. Thankfully, my trusty rental car (always a must for work trips) got me there and back.

Driving used to be a joy, a time for quiet reflection. Now, at 62, it's more of a necessity. Still, it allows me some thinking space, a chance to ponder life's complexities. The radio only plays traffic updates these days; music doesn't hold the same magic.

During this trip, I'd hoped to see my niece, but the tight schedule wouldn't allow it. As I drove, I couldn't help but reflect on my career path. Starting at 56, I've given them six years. Now, a harsh truth hits me: people, in general, seem indifferent.

My employer, for example, refuses to consider a younger, more mobile assistant, despite my limitations. It feels like they just want to save money. It's frustrating and demoralizing to have my concerns dismissed as complaints.

Spiritually, things aren't much brighter. I've always felt like a failure, constantly judged for not doing enough. I leaned heavily on my faith, even pushing my son away, thinking it was the right thing. But now, with my health unchanged and my beliefs shaken, I feel adrift.

I can tell the difference between empty encouragement and real support, and lately, the well of true support seems dry. Illness and loss have taken their toll, leaving me feeling hopeless. When hope crumbles, the effects are real: disappointment, anger, a loss of purpose – all burdens I carry.

At 62, I've spent most of my life chasing success, believing it would bring happiness. I was wrong. Dead wrong.

Now, facing this realization in both my work and faith, I'm met with a strange indifference. People offer a sympathetic nod, but their concern doesn't go deep. Prayer offers human answers, not divine solutions.

So, here I am, facing a difficult truth. It's time to let go, no matter how I try to sugarcoat it.

This isn't a "have a great day" kind of day. It's a day to acknowledge the struggle and find a new way forward.

Comments

The Long Mars

The Long Mars by Terry Pratchett My rating: 3 of 5 stars "The Long Mars," the third installment in the Long Earth series, continues to expand the already vast canvas of Pratchett and Baxter's creation. While the concept of "Joker Mars" – echoing the familiar "Joker Earths" – is intriguing, it's just one of three distinct narrative threads woven throughout this book. We follow Sally Linsay on a journey across the Martian Stepped worlds, unraveling the mysteries her father, Willis, seeks. This exploration of the alien landscapes of the Long Mars is certainly compelling, but personally, it was the storyline involving "The Next" that truly captivated me. Joshua Valiente's arc, which delves into the emergence of these post-human children, is where the book really shines. It's a powerful exploration of prejudice, fear, and the potential societal clashes that arise when faced with the "other." The authors masterfully tackle ...

Echo of worlds

Echo of Worlds by M.R. Carey My rating: 2 of 5 stars M.R. Carey's "Echo of Worlds" serves as a powerful and satisfying conclusion to his "Pandominion" duology, following the intriguing setup of "Infinity Gate." While the author's broader works certainly explore diverse realms, this novel masterfully ties together the threads of this particular multiversal conflict. The story immediately plunges readers into an epic war across countless dimensions. On one side stands the organic Pandominion, pitted against the chilling machine-intelligence known as the Ansurrection. Both factions are escalating their destructive capabilities, threatening to unleash an extinction-level event called the "Scour," which could wipe out thousands of planets. At the heart of this desperate struggle is the artificial intelligence, Rupshe. Convinced that the "Scour" is inevitable without intervention, Rupshe assembles a captivating and unlikely team fr...

📝 Review Summary: Children of Memory

Children of Memory by Adrian Tchaikovsky My rating: 4 of 5 stars Children of Memory (Children of Time Series #3) is an essential, challenging, and mind-bending addition that shifts the series' focus from galactic evolution to a profound crisis of identity and reality. Note: This cannot be read as a standalone novel and contains major spoilers. Core Plot & Major Twist The novel revolves around a struggling human colony on the world of Imir. The central puzzle is the repeated ship crashes. The Engine: The crashes are revealed to be "intentional" because an ancient, alien Simulation Engine beneath Imir copies the consciousness of approaching life and inserts the duplicates into a simulated, rapidly aging environment. The Reveal: The original human colonists and the Skipper crew's landing party (including the Interlocutor, Miranda) were all physically destroyed. The "people" living on Imir—including the simulated Miranda and the copies of Portiid (Fabian)...

Rancid

Search This Blog